The eight most artery-clogging meals in Chicago


Boasting over 7,300 restaurants, the world's largest food festival (Taste of Chicago, anyone?) and a festival dedicated entirely to bacon, it's safe to say that Chicago may have a tiny obsession with food (and what's wrong with that?). If you are feeling a bit gluttonous and long for some more-than-hearty fare, the Second City certainly has it. Get ready to have the cheat meal of a lifetime with these heart-stopping, artery-clogging, cholesterol-rising dishes.

Three Little Pigs Poutine at Q-Tine
After you've checked out the nightlife in Logan Square it's time to get your alcohol-swigging self some cheese-smothered treats to soak up the booze. Sure, the Canadians may have come up with poutine first, but we all know that the Midwest has some fierce cheese pride. White cedar curds smothered in bacon, pulled pork and smoked pork belly that's swimming in a sea of homemade gravy will certainly kill any potential hangover. At only $12.99 you can tell your friends to get their own.

Bacon Bomb at Paddy Longs
You worship the bacon gods. You own bacon paraphernalia. You've written an ode to bacon. We get it; you like bacon. So why don't you show your (hopefully) undying love for this splendid breakfast meat by cutting into the Bacon Bomb, which boasts five glorious pounds of pork, beef and ground sausage? Wait, wait...that's not all. At the heart of this meaty treasure you'll find—you guessed it—hearty peppered bacon. Instead of wrapping paper, this savory gift is basket-weaved with sweet brown-sugar bacon. If you're still hungry after this (you bottomless pit!), dive head first into their heaping pile of fries.

Deep Dish Chicago Classic at Pizzeria Uno
Chicagoans have a lot of opinions, particularly about their pizza. If you want to start a lively and perhaps even aggressive debate, just have someone tell you the best pizza in Chicago. Regardless of the big pizza argument, we are sure that eating an Uno's pizza could easily dash your New Years weight loss dreams. Scarfing down an entire individually sized Chicago Classic is roughly 2240 calories, 50 grams of saturated fat (about the equivalent of four McDonald's Big Macs®) and 4890 mg of sodium. Opt for just one slice of a regular deep dish Uno's pizza and you'll still be packing in an additional 770 calories.

Monster Burrito at Martinez Supermarket
If you have a hankering for some delicious quality Mexican food in a no-frills locale then it's time to head to Martinez Supermarket where you will have to practically unhinge your jaw à la Liz Lemon to tackle this 7 lb. chorizo burrito. If you are intimidated by the size of Martinez's burrito then perhaps their humble 3 lb. burrito will just have to suffice. With over 350 lbs. of chorizo made each week on the premises, let's just call Martinez the King of Meats.

The Death Sentence (or Fat Elvis) at Lockdown
If a search for the term "meat lover" would reveal your face, then it's time to tackle The Death Sentence: 20 oz. of thick, juicy beef topped with a generous helping of bacon (because, meat), melted cheddar and caramelized onions. Or if you've dreamed that it would one day be acceptable to eat dessert for dinner then make your dreams come true with The Fat Elvis: peanut butter, bacon and flambéed banana caramelized in Grand Marnier, butter and brown sugar.

The Mac at Dimo's Pizza
If you are looking for the ultimate in comfort foods then how about combining mac and cheese with pizza? Sure, this Dimo's Pizza delight might sound gluttonous (or perhaps just the perfect way to end a Friday night) but these layers of creamy, melted cheese will soon send you into nirvana and make you forget about the calorie count (just don't try plugging that pizza into your MyFitnessPal app, okay?).

Ice Cream Sandwich Donut at Firecakes Donuts
It's breakfast. It's dessert. No, it's the perfect combo of both. This marriage of ice cream and donuts has been missing from your life for far too long. It's time to change that. Chocolate espresso or vanilla bean gelato is nestled between a honey-glazed donut. Top it off with cocoa nibs and the perfect drizzling of chocolate and caramel sauce and you'll want two: one for breakfast and another one for dessert, because if eating dessert is wrong we don't want to be right.

Phil's Special at Fatso's Last Stand
Originally named Phil's Last Stand, this restaurant's new namesake is letting its customers know that they won't leave this late-night dive hungry. Phil's special is a hot dog nestled inside a polish sausage, smothered in onions and mustard and then blanketed with mac and cheese on a Turano chibatta. If you came voraciously hungry then perhaps you are ready to meet Fatso's Jumbo Burger Challenge: enjoy a 5 lb. Fatso Smash Burger, ½ lb. fries and a 32 oz. drink in 30 minutes. You'll leave with a generous gift certificate, a free meal, your photo on the Hall of Fame and perhaps the need for bigger pants.

Stephanie Andrews has called Chicago home for 10 years. When she's not eating...err, writing...you can find her stunt doubling for film and TV, or making her own cocktail bitters.