The six finest, most fattening foods DFW has to offer

As evidenced by the fact that we play host to the Texas State Fair, the Super Bowl of fried foods, every year, Dallas is a great place to get a good meal that's very bad for you. These are the six most delightfully unhealthy dining experiences Dallas has to offer.

The S'mores Dessert Pizza, ZaLat
It feels almost criminal to highlight ZaLat for something other than their New York-style pizza, which is fantastic any time but seems even better after a late night in Uptown, but if you're really looking to cast nutrients aside and get your money's worth on cheat day, order up a S'Mores Dessert Pizza, made from Nutella, Golden Grahams cereal, marshmallows and powdered sugar. If you feel that's being a little modest, you can add bacon for $3 more, or one of their cold candy bars for $1.75. Just don't tell your doctor, or personal trainer, or anyone with too big a stake in your health.

The Deep Fried, Bacon Wrapped Hot Dog, Angry Dog Saloon
How do you make a hot dog less healthy and more delicious in one fell swoop (or two)? Simple: You wrap it in bacon and deep fry it. The Angry Dog Saloon offers just such a hot dog as part of their locally beloved late-night menu, which looks like an All-Star team of foods that you probably shouldn't eat late at night, but that you will only ever consider after a certain hour.

Fried Chicken, Babe's Chicken Dinner House
You'll do best not to worry about calorie counting when you walk into Babe's Chicken Dinner House, which seems to come from a time before health conscious eating was a thing--and we mean that as the highest compliment. The North Texas staple offers several entrees, and while they're all great, nothing tops the classic fried chicken that made the place famous. Add a side of the thickest, most hearty mashed potatoes and gravy we've ever encountered (which comes to the table family style), and Babe's just might leave you unable to move in the best possible way.

Big Meat Pizza, Serious Pizza
If you want a giant pizza in Dallas, Serious Pizza on Elm St. is the place to get it, and if you have the urge to eat the equivalent of several small farm animals, the Big Meat Pizza is your best bet. Topped with pepperoni, Italian sausage, ham, meatballs and bacon, an extra large—which at Serious Pizza is an expansive 30 inches—is capable of feeding

Lord of the Pies, Emporium Pies
10 apples go into every one of Emporium Pies' Lord of the Pies, but this is no health food, as the flakiness and butteriness of the crust (and the crispy cinnamon streusel topping) makes clear. The apples are soft-baked in Emporium's house-made caramel before going in there and, paired with the aforementioned crust, the result is the best—and tallest—apple pie you'll ever have outside of your grandma's kitchen.

Fried Chicken and Donuts, The Fat Chicken
Have you ever been noshing on fried chicken and thought, "This is good, but what it could really use is a side of fried breakfast pastries"? If so, you'll want to check out the Fat Chicken at Trinity Groves, the restaurant park in West Dallas. There, you can get the bad-for-you meal to top all bad-for-you meals, the Chicken and Donuts, which pairs fried chicken tenders with a pair of fresh, house-made donuts.

Scott Crisp is a writer, comedian and native of Dallas, Texas. He has lived in the Metroplex for three decades and will probably never fully get over the closing of his favorite dive, Club Schmitz.