These are the 20 weirdest drink names in San Diego

You like a little word play with your liquid depressants? So do these barkeeps. The next time you're in San Diego, start a tab and order up a drink with a funny name. You haven't lived until you've looked a server in the face and ordered something that could be construed as harassment. In no particular order, here are the weirdest drink names in the city.

1. Jumping Cholla at Madison on Park
Del Maguey Vida Mezcal, pineapple, lime, jalapeno, egg white, black lava salt
This feisty drink is named after a cactus and I don't understand nearly half of its ingredients. But it's served at a colorful hipster spot with friendly bartenders and an open-air setting, so push yourself up to the bar and order one already.

2. Kiss My Cucumber at Babycakes
Gin, melon liqueur, lime juice, muddled cucumber, club soda
I'm no fan of gin, but muddled cucumber sounds amazing, and everything is better with a side of sexual innuendo. This Hillcrest spot also happens to be a purveyor of orgasmic cupcakes, so it all makes sense.

3. Don't You Judge Me at Beaumont's
Citron vodka, champagne, fresh OJ, cranberry splash, on ice with a twist
The only way I would judge you for drinking this is if you're still over the table after three of them. What are you, a robot? Sit on the patio and enjoy a La Jolla breeze while your insides get tingly.

4. Bye, Felicia! at Meze
Three Olives raspberry vodka, elderflower, white cranberry, fresh lime sparkling water
Ten bucks says this tastes like juice but make you bold enough to think you can recite a movie monologue. The cocktail is named after "Friday" and the subsequent internet memes, and the over/under on how many times you can yell "Bye, Felicia" before you get a side eye is three. Have a few and make a dramatic exit, but not before you take a gyro to-go from this Greek fusion restaurant. Because drunk second dinner at home later.

5. Figgy Lifting Drink at Bagby Beer Company
House fig puree, sapling maple liqeur, creme de cacao, camus cognac, lemon, black walnut bitters
Did you know most figs contain dead wasp parts? Something to do with the pollination of the inverted flower inside a fig. Anyway, I can't unknow this horrifying fact, and misery loves company -- so welcome to the club. I'm sure this drink is delicious. Cheers!

6. Zombie Prescription at KINDRED Bar
Apple cider vinegar shrub, grapefruit, lemon, cinnamon, ginger, sage, fennel, soda
This one is non-alcoholic, because you want to be sober when the reanimated rise to take over the Earth. KINDRED is a hipster vegan eatery, so chow down on all the seared cauliflower steak you can handle in between sips.

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7. We Don't Practice Santeria at Miss B's Coconut Club
Puerto Rican rum, Jamaican rum, house passion fruit syrup, house honey syrup, fresh lime juice, saffron bitters
No word on whether they have a crystal ball.

8. Death by Bananas at George's Level2
Pernod Absinthe, Banane Du Brésil, lemon, citric acid, sparkling cava
Can you overdose on potassium? I doubt it, but the name of this La Jolla libation sounds like it can knock you off your feet. You look like you can ride the green beast (aka absinthe) with the best of them, so god speed.

9. Christmas in Nicaragua at The Nolen
Spiced rum, white rum, allspice, stone pine liqueur, demerera, black lemon bitters
This drink has all the things in it. If you've always wanted to drink something that tastes like a pine tree ... you're a weird one and this cocktail sounds like your jam. Suck down a few of them and you'll swear you're the ninth reindeer.

10. Chupacabra Tears at Bracero
Rum blend, sotol, cardamaro, benedictine, orange bitters, Xocalatl Mole bitters
Why so sad, legendary beast-like creature? If anything was going to taste like the salty discharge of a lachrymose mythical being, it would definitely be some combination of bitters. This authentic Mexican restaurant has plenty of tortillas on the menu to soak up the potent concoction, so drink the tears with abandon.

11. Penicillin #86 at Kettner Exchange
Demerara rum, ginger, navy strength rum, pineapple, lemon, honey
With a famous chef and a hipster chic decor, you won't be feeling particularly sick about your choice to shimmy into a booth at this beach restaurant. Still, sounds like this drink can cure what ails you in short order.

12. Belmont Park Mustache Ride at Cat Eye Club
Old overholt rye, lime juice, orange juice, pineapple juice, pomegranate syrup
For reference, Belmont Park is a landmark amusement park at Mission Beach that includes a decades-old roller coaster. A mustache ride is something you should only Google at a time when you are not at work. In any case, it's served at a hip tiki bar and lounge downtown, and you're free to order it if you can stop laughing.

13. You're Killing Me Smalls at Prohibition
Platinum vodka, housemade cranberry, lime, curaçao
Appealing to that coveted market share of '90s baseball movie connoisseurs who also consume alcohol, Prohibition has developed this clever drink as an homage to "The Sandlot." Finding this bar downtown is a little tricky — in keeping with its name it's quite hidden. Look for the "Law Office of Eddie O'Hare, Esq."

14. Alpaca Punch at Rare Form
Pisco, grapefruit cordial, fresh lemon, Anise Eau De Vie (Arak)
Alpacas are soft and low-key until they're not. Cross a line, and as YouTube videos have proven, they will kick you in the face. This drink is kind of like that, so don't be fooled by its smooth nature. It's served a kitschy spot set up to look like a library, green table lamps and all, but there's no librarian to tell you to keep it down.

15. Cousin by Marriage at Brooklyn Girl Eatery
Bourbon, Cocchi Rosa, house curaçao, lemon, absinthe, grapefruit peel
It's like your cousin Ashley's husband who calls you by the nickname you hate and never wants to pay his part of the tab, except it doesn't suck super hard.

16. Sex Panther at Patio on Lamont
Old overholt rye, averna, benèdictine, plum bitters
60% of the time, it works every time.

17. Brain Candle at KINDRED Bar
Black Strap Rum, Islay Scotch, pineapple, lime, orgeat, Absinthe, bitters
Once you slurp down that Zombie Prescription at KINDRED that I mentioned earlier, go ahead and hit the hard stuff. I take it from the name that this one makes your brain start on fire and then melt, but YOLO and stuff I guess.

18. Funky Monkey at Uptown Tavern
Gin, fresh lime, melon, pineapple
This is no brass monkey or chunky monkey. It's a funky monkey. Drink it down and get funked up.

19. Welp, See Ya Later! at Urban Solace
Fresh ginger, infused Blanco Tequila, Lucky Falernum, ginger syrup, grapefruit, key lime, tajin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, byeeeeeee. Tequila that you can't taste is the most dangerous tequila; just ask anyone who's had an Adios Motherf*ucker shot out of a test tube on spring break in Mexico. At least this restaurant in North Park is sure to have plenty of Lyft drivers nearby.

20. Yas Queen at Gossip Grill
Crown Royale rye, carpano antica sweet vermouth, bitters, cherry juice, ginger beer
Liquor before beer and you're in the clear, right? Since the beer is at the end of the ingredients I'll just assume your hangover will be non-existent. But don't quote me.

Lara Vukelich is a freelance writer and happy hour fanatic living in San Diego.